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How did it feel, when Mark said that our feelings are a reflection of our needs? It’s a tough one to take in! It doesn’t make us immune to what people do to us, but it helps us understand what happens within us.
If you’re not quite there yet, we’d like to do an exercise where you can discover for yourself how your feelings are connected to your needs.
Take a situation like Mark’s example with the colleague that was late for the meeting and apply it to yourself. Write down 2 scenarios where you have different needs. What did you feel? What did you do? What did the other person do?
Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.
This response will be awarded full points automatically, but it can be reviewed and adjusted after submission.
Another great exercise to practice feelings and needs is: I feel X, because my need for Y is not met. Or the other way around. I feel Z, because my need for Y is met.
I feel angry because my need for integrity is not met.
Mix and match the following feelings and needs:
Feelings Needs Angry Safety Uncomfortable Freedom Hungry Order Happy Intimacy Excited Integrity Bored Food Powerful Understanding Appalled Growth and progressGrading can be reviewed and adjusted.Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.
In the following video from Friends; Rachel takes out the garbage for the first time. Let’s focus on the scene with Mr. Traeger. What needs do you think Rachel has, and what do you think she’s feeling? What about Mr. Traeger? What is important to him, and what does he feel?
a) Begin with Rachel: What does she feel? What needs does she have?Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.
b) How about Mr. Treeger; how does he feel and what needs does he have?Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.
In NVC we talk about universal needs. These are needs that everybody has. Everyone need to feel safe, eat, drink and be free. In NVC there are around 100 universal needs that you can practice with the flashcards.
Everybody needs money to survive, right? But is money a need or something else? In NVC, money is not a need, it’s a strategy to fill one or more needs. For instance, we need money to buy food. Food is the universal need, and money is a strategy to meet it. Hamburger is also a strategy to meet the need for food.
Why is this important?
Because, in NVC we try to connect with people. The more we can relate to each other’s needs, the easier it’ll be to empathize with them. We all share the same needs; we only use different strategies to reach them.
The better we become at expressing universal needs; the easier it becomes for people to relate to them.
Connect the following strategies with a suitable need:
Strategy Needs Book about the universe Nourishment Cell phone Rest Pancakes Communication Warm jacket Balance Christmas gift Protection Trip to Bahamas Belonging Membership at tennis club Joy Mediation LearningGrading can be reviewed and adjusted.Grading can be reviewed and adjusted.