Here you find some support material for our Non-Violent Communication program. Sometimes we use hiden opinons instead of expressing a feeling. In the list below, you’ll find some examples of these words.
Abandoned in NVC
In nonviolent communication, I feel abandoned is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how other people are treating me. Similar words to abandoned would be deserted and left out.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel abandoned are; sad, hurt, afraid, lonely, etc.
Suggested Needs
The needs that might hide behind the word abandoned are nurturing, connection, support, belonging to a group, and to feel cared for.
Abused in NVC
In nonviolent communication, I feel abused is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating me. Similar words to abused would be harmed, injured, molested, and hurt.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel abused are; frightened, anger, hopeless, frustrated, etc.
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word abandoned are nurturing, connection, physical security, respect, and wellbeing
Accepted in NVC
In nonviolent communication, I feel accepted is not a feeling. It’s a thought about how someone is considering me. It’s similar to the opposite, to feel unaccepted in NVC. Other words that come to mind are acknowledged, recognized/unrecognized.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we don’t feel accepted are; anger, frustration, upset, lonely, and afraid.
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word not accepted are belonging, connection, respect, community and wanting to contribute to the group.
Attacked in NVC
Attacked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel that way. Similar evaluating words can be criticized, charged, and condemned.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel attacked are; anger, frustration, annoyed and scared.
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word attacked are safety and respect.
Belittled in NVC
Belittled in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel that way. Similar evaluating words can be I feel diminished or deprecated.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel belittled are; uncomfortable, angry, frustrated, and distressed.
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word belittled are respect, acknowledgment, need to be seen, and appreciation.
Betrayed in NVC
Betrayed in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel betrayed. Similar evaluating words can be I feel deceived or lead astray.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel betrayed are; anger, disappointment, hurt, bitter
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word belittled are trust, dependability, honesty, commitment.
Blamed in NVC
Blamed in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel blamed. A similar evaluating word can be I feel accused.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel blamed are; surprise, confused, hurt, anger, afraid, hostile
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word blamed are justice, trust, responsibility, and fairness.
Bullied in NVC
Bullied in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel bullied. A similar evaluating word can be I feel intimidated, tormented or harassed.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel bullied are; sad, scared, angry, hopeless
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word bullied are community, consideration, security, choice, fairness
Cheated in NVC
Cheated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone has done to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel cheated.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel cheated are; angry, hurt, resentful, disappointed, depressed
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word cheated are trust, fairness, honesty,
Coerced in NVC
Coerced in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel coerced. A similar evaluating word can be I feel forced, pressured, or harassed.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel coerced are; thwarted, angry, rebellion, frustrated, scared
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word coerced are choice, freedom, respect, autonomy
Cornered in NVC
Cornered in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel cornered. A similar evaluating word can be I feel restrained, surrounded, or trapped.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel cornered are; thwarted, angry, scared, anxious, frustrated, limited
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word cornered are choice, freedom, autonomy
Criticized in NVC
Criticized in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. As Marshal Rosenberg nicely phrased it, criticism is only a tragic expression of an unmet need. In other words, criticism is nothing to take personally, perhaps the other person wants you to do that… That you should feel ashamed, irresponsible, or guilty. But you have a choice of how you want to react.
- Take it personally
- Blame the other person
- Get in contact with your own feelings and needs in the situation
- Try to connect to the other persons feelings and needs.
In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel criticized. A similar evaluating word can be I feel disapproved and censored.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel criticized are; frustrated, angry, in pain, sad, disappointed, humiliated, scared
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word criticized are acknowledgment, respect, contribution, fairness, recognition.
Disliked in NVC
Disliked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel disliked. A similar evaluating word can be I feel unpopular, hated, or loathed.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel disliked are; sad, disappointed, frustrated, scared, hurt
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word disliked are inclusion, community, appreciation, friendship, connection
Disrespected in NVC
Disrespected in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel disrespected. A similar evaluating word can be I feel insulted and affronted.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel disrespected are; sad, hurt, angry, irritated
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word disrespected are inclusion, community, appreciation, connection
Here is a scene from the classic movie Pretty Woman, where Viviane expresses how she feels disrespected. Our guess is that her need for equality, respect, and love are not meet and that she feels hurt and angry as a result of that. What do you think?
Distrusted in NVC
Distrusted in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel distrusted. A similar evaluating word can be I feel, mistrusted, doubted or suspected.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel distrusted are; sad, disappointed, frustrated, hurt.
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word distrusted are trust, honesty, connection
Ignored in NVC
Ignored in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel ignored. A similar evaluating word can be I feel, excluded, discounted or unseen.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel ignored are; sad, disappointed, frustrated, hurt, lonely
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word ignored are connection, inclusion, community, belonging to a group, acceptance
Insulted in NVC
Insulted in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel insulted. A similar evaluating word can be I feel disrespected, offended, affronted.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel insulted are; sad, embarrassed, frustrated, hurt,
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word insulted are respect, consideration, recognition, belonging
Intimidated in NVC
Intimidated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel intimidated.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel intimidated are; scared, anxiety
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word intimidated are equality, empowerment, safety
Invisible in NVC
Invisible in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel invisible. A similar evaluating word can be I feel ignored.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel invisible are; excluded, sad, lonely, anxious
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word invisible are belonging, to be seen and heard, be part of the group.
Isolated in NVC
Isolated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel isolated.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel isolated are; excluded, sad, lonely, frustrated
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word isolated are belonging, inclusion, contribution
Manipulated in NVC
Manipulated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel manipulated. A similar evaluating word can be I feel tricked or controlled.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel manipulated are; embarrassed, upset, powerless, angry
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word manipulated are trust, equality, free choice, connection, autonomy
Misunderstood in NVC
Misunderstood in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how other people understand you. In other words, someone needs to be involved, in order for you to feel misunderstood.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel misunderstood are; frustrated, angry, embarrassed, irritated
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word misunderstood are to be heard, understanding, connection
Manipulated in NVC
Manipulated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel manipulated. A similar evaluating word can be I feel tricked or controlled.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel manipulated are; embarrassed, upset, powerless, angry
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word manipulated are trust, equality, free choice, connection, autonomy
Neglected in NVC
Neglected in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel neglected. A similar evaluating word can be I feel ignored, unloved, overlooked.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel neglected are; excluded, sad, lonely, anxious
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word neglected are belonging, to be seen and heard, to matter, be part of the group, connection
Offended in NVC
Offended in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel offended. Similar evaluating words can be I feel snubbed and insulted.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel offended are; angry, irritated, upset, sad, bewildered
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word offended are respect, appreciation, integrity,
Overworked in NVC
Depending on how this word is interpreted, overworked can be a feeling. If you are working too much, and you do it to yourself, my opinion is that you can be overworked. But if it’s your boss, that put too much work on your desk and force you to work, then it’s not a feeling. With that definition overworked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel overworked.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel overworked are; exhausted, tired, hopeless, frustrated,
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word overworked are meaning, respect, consideration, rest, caring.
If you’re simply working too much, and you use the word, I feel overworked. I think it’s a way to expressing that you’re tired, but cause you’ve worked so much.
Pressured in NVC
Pressured in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel pressured.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel pressured are thwarted, angry, rebellion, frustrated, scared
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word pressured are choice, freedom, respect, autonomy
Provoked in NVC
Provoked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel provoked.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel provoked are anger, hostility, resentful, frustrated
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word provoked are respect, consideration
Rejected in NVC
Rejected in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel rejected. Similar evaluating words can be I feel ignored and excluded.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel rejected are; excluded, sad, lonely, anxious
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word rejected are belonging, to be seen and heard, to matter, be part of the group, connection
Threatened in NVC
Threatened in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel threatened.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel threatened are; scared, terrified, alarmed
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word threatened are safety, autonomy
Tricked in NVC
Tricked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel tricked. Similar evaluating words can be I feel deceived and cheated.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel tricked are; angry, hurt, resentful, disappointed, depressed
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word tricked are trust, fairness, honesty,
Unappreciated in NVC
Unappreciated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unappreciated. Similar evaluating words can be I feel unacknowledged.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unappreciated are; hurt, sad, irritated, angry
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unappreciated are valued, appreciation, respect, acknowledgement
Unheard in NVC
Unheard in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel tricked. Similar evaluating words can be I feel disregarded, ignored or overlooked.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unheard are; anger, hurt, resentful, disappointed
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unheard are empathy, understanding, appreciation
Unloved in NVC
Unloved in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unloved. A similar evaluating word can be I feel unwanted.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unloved are; sad, lonely, frustrated
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word love, consideration, belonging, empathy, connection
Unseen in NVC
Unseen in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unseen. A similar evaluating word can be I feel invisible.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unseen are hurt, sad, frustrated, worried
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unseen are acknowledgment, connected, to be seen, appreciation
Unsupported in NVC
Unsupported in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unsupported.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unsupported are; anxious, frustration, anger, resentment, sad
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unsupported are caring, consideration, team spirit, understanding, support
Unwanted in NVC
Unwanted in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unwanted. Similar evaluating words can be I feel unwelcome and uninvited.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unwanted are; hurt, sad, pained, lonely, afraid
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unwanted are inclusion, belonging, appreciated,
Used in NVC
Used in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel used. A similar evaluating word can be I feel victimized.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel used are; annoyed, sad, disappointed, angry.
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word used are consideration, equality, fairness, respect
Violated in NVC
Violated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel violated. A similar evaluating word can be I feel dishonored.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel violated are; angry, hurt, disappointed,
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word violated are privacy, safety, space, respect, trust
Wronged in NVC
Wronged in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel wronged. A similar evaluating word can be I feel offended.
Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel wronged are; upset, sad, disappointed, angry.
Suggested Needs
The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word wronged are consideration, respect, trust, safety