NVC – Hidden opinions

In nonviolent communication, I feel abandoned is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how other people are treating me. Similar words to abandoned would be deserted and left out.

Suggested Feelings
Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel abandoned are; sad, hurt, afraid, lonely, etc.

Suggested Needs
The needs that might hide behind the word abandoned are nurturing, connection, support, belonging to a group, and to feel cared for.

In nonviolent communication, I feel abused is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating me. Similar words to abused would be harmed, injured, molested, and hurt. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel abused are; frightened, anger, hopeless, frustrated, etc.

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word abandoned are nurturing, connection, physical security, respect, and wellbeing

In nonviolent communication, I feel accepted is not a feeling. It’s a thought about how someone is considering me. It’s similar to the opposite, to feel unaccepted in NVC. Other words that come to mind are acknowledged, recognized/unrecognized.  

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we don’t feel accepted are; anger, frustration, upset, lonely, and afraid.

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word not accepted are belonging, connection, respect, community and wanting to contribute to the group.

Attacked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel that way. Similar evaluating words can be criticized, charged, and condemned.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel attacked are; anger, frustration, annoyed and scared.

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word attacked are safety and respect.

Belittled in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel that way. Similar evaluating words can be I feel diminished or deprecated.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel belittled are; uncomfortable, angry, frustrated, and distressed.

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word belittled are respect, acknowledgment, need to be seen, and appreciation.

Betrayed in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how someone is treating you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel betrayed. Similar evaluating words can be I feel deceived or lead astray.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel betrayed are; anger, disappointment, hurt, bitter

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word belittled are trust, dependability, honesty, commitment.

Blamed in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel blamed. A similar evaluating word can be I feel accused.

 Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel blamed are; surprise, confused, hurt, anger, afraid, hostile

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word blamed are justice, trust, responsibility, and fairness.

Bullied in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel bullied. A similar evaluating word can be I feel intimidated, tormented or harassed.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel bullied are; sad, scared, angry, hopeless

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word bullied are community, consideration, security, choice, fairness

Cheated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone has done to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel cheated.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel cheated are; angry, hurt, resentful, disappointed, depressed

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word cheated are trust, fairness, honesty,

Coerced in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel coerced. A similar evaluating word can be I feel forced, pressured, or harassed.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel coerced are; thwarted, angry, rebellion, frustrated, scared

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word coerced are choice, freedom, respect, autonomy

Cornered in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel cornered. A similar evaluating word can be I feel restrained, surrounded, or trapped.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel cornered are; thwarted, angry, scared, anxious, frustrated, limited

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word cornered are choice, freedom, autonomy

Criticized in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. As Marshal Rosenberg nicely phrased it, criticism is only a tragic expression of an unmet need. In other words, criticism is nothing to take personally, perhaps the other person wants you to do that… That you should feel ashamed, irresponsible, or guilty. But you have a choice of how you want to react.

1. Take it personally
2. Blame the other person
3. Get in contact with your own feelings and needs in the situation
4. Try to connect to the other persons feelings and needs.

In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel criticized. A similar evaluating word can be I feel disapproved and censored. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel criticized are; frustrated, angry, in pain, sad, disappointed, humiliated, scared

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word criticized are acknowledgment, respect, contribution, fairness, recognition.

Disliked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel disliked. A similar evaluating word can be I feel unpopular, hated, or loathed.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel disliked are; sad, disappointed, frustrated, scared, hurt

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word disliked are inclusion, community, appreciation, friendship, connection

Disrespected in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel disrespected. A similar evaluating word can be I feel insulted and affronted.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel disrespected are; sad, hurt, angry, irritated

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word disrespected are inclusion, community, appreciation, connection

Here is a scene from the classic movie Pretty Woman, where Viviane expresses how she feels disrespected. Our guess is that her need for equality, respect, and love are not meet and that she feels hurt and angry as a result of that. What do you think?

Distrusted in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel distrusted. A similar evaluating word can be I feel, mistrusted, doubted or suspected.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel distrusted are; sad, disappointed, frustrated, hurt.

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word distrusted are trust, honesty, connection

Ignored in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel ignored. A similar evaluating word can be I feel, excluded, discounted or unseen.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel ignored are; sad, disappointed, frustrated, hurt, lonely

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word ignored are connection, inclusion, community, belonging to a group, acceptance

Insulted in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel insulted. A similar evaluating word can be I feel disrespected, offended, affronted. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel insulted are; sad, embarrassed, frustrated, hurt,

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word insulted are respect, consideration, recognition, belonging

Intimidated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel intimidated.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel intimidated are; scared, anxiety

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word intimidated are equality, empowerment, safety

Invisible in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel invisible. A similar evaluating word can be I feel ignored. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel invisible are; excluded, sad, lonely, anxious

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word invisible are belonging, to be seen and heard, be part of the group.

Isolated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel isolated.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel isolated are; excluded, sad, lonely, frustrated

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word isolated are belonging, inclusion, contribution

Manipulated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel manipulated. A similar evaluating word can be I feel tricked or controlled.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel manipulated are; embarrassed, upset, powerless, angry

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word manipulated are trust, equality, free choice, connection, autonomy

Misunderstood in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of how other people understand you. In other words, someone needs to be involved, in order for you to feel misunderstood. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel misunderstood are; frustrated, angry, embarrassed, irritated

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word misunderstood are to be heard, understanding, connection

Manipulated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel manipulated. A similar evaluating word can be I feel tricked or controlled.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel manipulated are; embarrassed, upset, powerless, angry

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word manipulated are trust, equality, free choice, connection, autonomy

Neglected in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel neglected. A similar evaluating word can be I feel ignored, unloved, overlooked.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel neglected are; excluded, sad, lonely, anxious

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word neglected are belonging, to be seen and heard, to matter, be part of the group, connection

Offended in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel offended. Similar evaluating words can be I feel snubbed and insulted. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel offended are; angry, irritated, upset, sad, bewildered

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word offended are respect, appreciation, integrity,

Depending on how this word is interpreted, overworked can be a feeling. If you are working too much, and you do it to yourself, my opinion is that you can be overworked. But if it’s your boss, that put too much work on your desk and force you to work, then it’s not a feeling. With that definition overworked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel overworked. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel overworked are; exhausted, tired, hopeless, frustrated,

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word overworked are meaning, respect, consideration, rest, caring.

If you’re simply working too much, and you use the word, I feel overworked. I think it’s a way to expressing that you’re tired, but cause you’ve worked so much.

Pressured in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel pressured. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel pressured are thwarted, angry, rebellion, frustrated, scared

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word pressured are choice, freedom, respect, autonomy

Provoked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel provoked.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel provoked are anger, hostility, resentful, frustrated

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word provoked are respect, consideration

Rejected in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel rejected. Similar evaluating words can be I feel ignored and excluded. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel rejected are; excluded, sad, lonely, anxious

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word rejected are belonging, to be seen and heard, to matter, be part of the group, connection

Threatened in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel threatened.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel threatened are; scared, terrified, alarmed

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word threatened are safety, autonomy

Tricked in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel tricked. Similar evaluating words can be I feel deceived and cheated. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel tricked are; angry, hurt, resentful, disappointed, depressed

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word tricked are trust, fairness, honesty,

Unappreciated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unappreciated. Similar evaluating words can be I feel unacknowledged. 

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unappreciated are; hurt, sad, irritated, angry

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unappreciated are valued, appreciation, respect, acknowledgement

Unheard in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel tricked. Similar evaluating words can be I feel disregarded, ignored or overlooked.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unheard are; anger, hurt, resentful, disappointed

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unheard are empathy, understanding, appreciation

Unloved in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unloved. A similar evaluating word can be I feel unwanted.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unloved are; sad, lonely, frustrated

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word love, consideration, belonging, empathy, connection

Unseen in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unseen. A similar evaluating word can be I feel invisible.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unseen are hurt, sad, frustrated, worried

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unseen are acknowledgment, connected, to be seen, appreciation

Unsupported in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unsupported.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unsupported are; anxious, frustration, anger, resentment, sad

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unsupported are caring, consideration, team spirit, understanding, support

Unwanted in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel unwanted. Similar evaluating words can be I feel unwelcome and uninvited.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel unwanted are; hurt, sad, pained, lonely, afraid

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word unwanted are inclusion, belonging, appreciated,

Used in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel used. A similar evaluating word can be I feel victimized.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel used are; annoyed, sad, disappointed, angry.

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word used are consideration, equality, fairness, respect

Violated in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel violated. A similar evaluating word can be I feel dishonored.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel violated are; angry, hurt, disappointed,

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word violated are privacy, safety, space, respect, trust

Wronged in nonviolent communication is not a feeling. It’s an evaluation of what someone is doing to you. In other words, someone needs to do something to you, in order for you to feel wronged. A similar evaluating word can be I feel offended.

Suggested Feelings

Feelings that may be involved when we say we feel wronged are; upset, sad, disappointed, angry.

Suggested Needs

The needs that are not met and might hide behind the word wronged are consideration, respect, trust, safety